Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
