the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
