One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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