it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize