So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
two words: eviction party
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
