Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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