Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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