I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
