she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
