did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
