She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
