Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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