I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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