Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Randomize
