my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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