playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize