my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
