The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
