Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
