I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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