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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
