Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
