is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
