Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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