Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
