just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
