he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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