If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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