Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just forgot I was standing up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
