I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
