remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This toilet bowl is my home.
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