new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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