how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
