Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
