Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
