Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
