I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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