***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
