her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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