no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
