Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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