She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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