I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
