hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
