I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
