I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
