My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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