Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
