Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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