Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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