They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
