They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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