just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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