is your mom at the bar?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
