I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
