I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
