Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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