is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
