After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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