he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
