Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
