I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
