My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
