Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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