I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
