Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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