Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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