I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
