My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
