He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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