I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
