the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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