worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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