remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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